I really want to visit MCA. DDDD:
I wanted to go tomorrow SO BADLY. But my mom is being... well, my mom. She won't let me skip my last freapin class *not a typo* WAAAAAHHH!!! I wana visit MCA!! *tear*
Okay, in all honesty, I want to see Brandon. How sad is that? *sigh* I can't help it. It's not that being apart from him is painful, really; I never had him in the first place, so what is there to miss? But, I was thinking about seeing him again earlier. My feelings for Brandon kind of fade and flux now that I never see him, and it can move from a throbbing ache to a dull who-really-cares humming. But when I was thinking about it, for the longest time, I thought I would ignore him; not make eye contact or anything. This time I was just randomly day dreaming and I wasn't paying attention to the flow of thoughts in my day dream until some part of my consiousness decided to bomb me with this; I was visiting MCA in the day dream, and the moment I walked in the door, I said hello to my old ss teacher and then I went straight to Brandon, pulled him up by his shoulders and kissed him; full on. No hesitation. And I was seeing myself from a distance, so I saw this determination in my eyes when I turned to Brandon, and I saw in his eyes that he knew what was coming, and he didn't resist it. How pathetic, right? I'm so love deprived I have to look to sad little day dreams for comfort. *sigh*
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Friday, September 26, 2008
Crush History
I was thinking about this the other night; wouldn't it be interesting if I posted a list of all my crushes? I dunno. I guess? Well, I'm going to, anyway.
Crushes;
1) Little Boy *whose name escapes me*
2)Blake
3)Drew
4)Brandon
In truth, I've had more crushes than this here and there. But these are the most important in my life.
Now for the short description portion of our program!!! :D
1) Little Boy *that sounds so stalkerish*
When I was in kinder garden, there was a boy (what a shocker). He always wore polos with a white long sleeve shirt underneath, which I thought looked very nice and was a very smart thing to do. One day, said boy was making fun of me on the play ground. I had a very short temper then, not that I don't now; but I mean, seriously! I bit a boy because he wouldn't let me clean up the play area! I BIT him! On the arm! O.o What am I? a Pre-mature vampire?! But anyways, I got angry. So, I said *and this is an exact quote* "If you don't shut up, I'm going to kiss you!" I only said that because boys back then thought girls had "cookdies" *rolls eyes* He wasn't scared in the least, though.
Though, I had many flaws, short temper being one I already mentioned, I always kept my promises. *tee hee*
The Little Boy had a very large friend named Darell. Darell was so large that he couldn't fit through the tunnels on the play set on the playground. Darell followed the Little Boy simply EVERYWHERE, so Darell happened to be up there with the Little Boy *that's it! he's LT from now on!* There also happened to be a tunnel right beside the boys, one of two ways off the balcony which LT and Darrel were using to make fun of me from a safe distance *I was sort of known for my temper D:*.
Well, he kept making fun of me, Darell laughing at his side the whole time, and I slowly got so angry that I eventually sprang into action, seeking my revenge with a fererish urgency.
I was a very strong, fast little girl. I played a lot of sports and was very good at anything physical. So, I zipped up the rope ladder, the o other way off the balcony. At this point, the boys started flipping otu, trying to get away before I could get them. But Darell went through the tunnel first... and got stuck, or something along those lines. It was because of this, that I caught up to LT and... well, I kissed him. I don't remember it at all, but I know I stayed up that night worrying that it would be awkward the next day. It wasn't, but here's the twist; just as I had kissed LT, my grandmother burst out onto the playground in her usually cheesy, old fashioned clothes and gold chain *she sounds like a gangster...*
Thankfully, she didn't see me *she was three flippin yards away!!! O.o* and I didn't bring it up, knowing she'd report it to my dad and the boy might end up at the bottom of some lake the next morning.
The next year, LT left the school, thus ending my first ever crush.
2) Next, Blake;
After I left that school, the one where I had my first crush, I went to another school; a private, christian school with grades K-12. It was pretty cool at first, and I thought that I was living the high life at my fancy-shmansy school. I realize now how dumb that school was and how poor thier facitlities actually were. Not to mention how evil thier students were. (see Sunday, Feb. 18th)
I don't know at what point Blake began to notice me, or I him. Either way, we noticed each other. The only real instance either of us even REALLY showed interest, besides playing together on the play ground *you know those games where the girls always chase the boys? ^w^ That was my favorite game, and I was the champ* and sitting and talking with a group of friends *I look back on that and wonder why a BOY was there...* was in 4th grade. I shall relay the incident *dramatic*;
I was deeply captivated by the 4th Harry Potter book after just taking a spelling test, so when the teacher released us to go get our snack, I was totally oblivious. When I did notice people around me were moving, I asked what was going on. Some kind soul told me, and I hurried to go get my snack. I was going so fast I nearly crashed head on with Blake. "Sorry!" I said, and tried to go around him, "I gotta get my snack!" But he handed it to me, and then smiled, and walked back to his desk. I blinked, taken off guard, and then walked back to my own desk.
I made a big mistake after this; I went home and told my dad and sister about it. *sigh* They are STILL teasing me!
So what is Blake doing now? Well, he's basically turned into a white player; he skips from girl to girl and is basically a jerk (sounds familiar somehow...). The End.
3) Drew
Ah, Drew. I ABHOR him! He's such a dork! I don't know what I ever saw in him. I think I just needed a person to broadcast my need for a crush on; it was either him a shrimpy little crybaby. The choice was the tinseyest bit obvious. So that year, I was back at the school I had gone to kinder garden at *the one with LT*, and every time someone asked, "Who has a crush on Drew?" my name was the first that came up. *sigh/HATE*
4) Blond-Haired Blue-Eyed Brandon
This is probably the most serious, longest, sadest, and the most detailed crush I've ever had. It started around December '07 and I don't have any idea when it ended. Brandon had always been vaguely cute. Well, no. Not cute. More like, interesting to look at. And he had the most interesting voice. Almost like he was speaking through his nose, or had something stuck in his throat, but it was still pleasing to the ear somehow.
One thing you have to know for me to continue is this; at my old school, 6-8th grade mixed as one class. The lines that separated our classes were very thin. This was mostly because we were all in a trailer *we like to call it a "Suite"* and had the same three teachers. Not to mention that there were only four or more people per grade *this always seems to shock people, but it's pretty normal, really*
Anyway, at some point, seeing him everyday became something more precious. Somewhere along the way, it was the thing that got me out of bed in the morning, straightening my hair and generally trying harder at everything. That sounds so sad, but it's true. And I never said a thing so him or my friends for the longest time.
One day, the schedule had to be flipped around a bit because our math teacher wasn't there. So the 8th graders (me) and the 6th graders *Brandon* were in the same room at one time. This happened everyday, in the afternoon when they had social studies and we had English, so it wasn't exactly a big thing, but this time, we got to actually SEE each other. See, the two teachers shared a room and used to blankets on pipes hung from the ceiling to separate the room. I never payed a lot of attention in this class; I was always leaning back towards the curtain, waiting for Brandon to speak so I could hear his angelic voice *sad, isn't it?*. As a result, I know a little something about ancient history now *what I mean by a little something is random facts that don't help me in World Cultures this year*. Sometimes I got actually see him, like when we printed something *we had Mac laptops*. The printer was on the other side. I think I was always a little too eager to print something. Then there were the random times the other class would interrupt ours for no reason or we theirs. It was a bit complicated. O.o
But I'm way off the point. So, the schedule was messed up because the math and science teacher was gone *sick or something* and the 6th and 8th grades were in the same room, and the blankets were down. So, a couple of them were sitting at table and I was bored, so I went over to talk. Somehow, we got around to who likes who. I think I may have brought up how this one girl in the 7th grade totally loved a 6th graders, and she was NOT shy about it. Someone said the 6th grader liked her back and then he said that guy liked another girl and so on. We ended up listing every one's crushes.
You see, that entire time, even though I hadn't consiously known it, that's what I'd been planning; I wanted to know Brandon's crush. I knew I was setting myself up for disappointment, but I just couldn't resist the apple.
"So who does Brandon like?" I asked after we'd gone through everyone, and I turned towards him with the biggest smile I'm sure I'd ever smiled in my life; I bet it looked pretty creepy.
"Oh, I know this," said one boy, and the way he said it made me rip my eyes from Brandon's beautiful face and stare at him.
"Who?" I asked, then I caught myself; I was acting waaay to interested. I didn't want anyone to know I liked this boy. No one could EVER know I liked this boy. SO, I looked back at Brandon and smiled teasingly, "Aw! Brandon has a crush?! I bet it's Ginny! It's Ginny, isn't it?!" Brandon had this odd talent of being able to compose himself in normally awkward or embarrassing situations; this was one of them, and he was using it. He looked me straight in the eyes and said,"No, it's not Ginny."
"Aw! C'mon Evan, who is it?" I said turning back to the boy who knew the information I wanted so badly it almost hurt.
"You." And he cracked up laughing.
I didn't even look at Brandon. I blushed and stuttered, taken totally off guard. I didn't get the chance to totally compose myself, though.
"Aw! C-c'mon! I d-don't bu-uy that for a sec-cond!" I stuttered. The other boys at the table were laughing their heads off at this point and Brandon was.... blushing. Brandon was blushing. I think. You see, I don't remember everything that happened after the boy said "You" as well as I usually remember things, I acredit it to the shock.
'God! I have to get out of here!' I thought, and my survival instinct kicked in.
"Allie!" I yelled. She was in the other room, but I HAD to get away from them.
And the incident was over. Just like that. But I didn't trust the information; there was just no way.
But then, it didn't matter, because I flushed it all away at a sleepover.
"So, Joy; who do you have a crush on?"
*shrug* "No one."
"No! There's GOT to be someone!"
"Okay, maybe." mistake
'Who?! WHO?!"
"I'm not saying."
"Do they go to our school?"
"Possibly" mistake
"Is it Austin?"
"Ew! No!"
"Kyle? Evan? Brandon? Ethan?!"
*silence* mistake
"ETHAN?!"
"NO! He's a freak!"
"Who then?"
*cough cough*
"It's not Kyle, I know. And who in the world likes Evan? So it's gotta be..."
*chorus of girls* "BRANDON!!!"
*various girls*
"YOU like BRANDON!?"
"It fits, you gotta admit that!"
"But he's so ugly!"
"He's weird!"
"He's a know-it-all!"
*me*
"I DON'T LIKE BRANDON!!"
Too late.
It was out. And Brandon barely spoke to me the rest of the school year, and he avoided me. That's a hard thing to do in a school of 14 people, but he managed. Except for one time...
We had to take a picture of our whole class, and the graduating 8th graders were supposed to walk through a "tunnel" consisting of their classmates. I was the first to walk.
When I got to the end, he was there. I stood across from him, as directed by the teachers, but then it was someone else's turn to walk. At the same time, we leaned in to see if the person was coming. My guard was down; he's been ignoring me, I didn't expect anything real to develop from my crush, I didn't even expect him to like me back. In fact, I think it's humanly impossible for boys to like me. *humph*
But he was suddenly so close... I got this horrible need to reach over and just touch his shoulder or his face. To lean in even closer and just take him in.
I was so angry and embarrassed after that, I pulled back to my side immediately, feeling stupid and confused.
I haven't talked to Brandon since school ended, and I don't think he misses me at all. I expect as much...
Crushes;
1) Little Boy *whose name escapes me*
2)Blake
3)Drew
4)Brandon
In truth, I've had more crushes than this here and there. But these are the most important in my life.
Now for the short description portion of our program!!! :D
1) Little Boy *that sounds so stalkerish*
When I was in kinder garden, there was a boy (what a shocker). He always wore polos with a white long sleeve shirt underneath, which I thought looked very nice and was a very smart thing to do. One day, said boy was making fun of me on the play ground. I had a very short temper then, not that I don't now; but I mean, seriously! I bit a boy because he wouldn't let me clean up the play area! I BIT him! On the arm! O.o What am I? a Pre-mature vampire?! But anyways, I got angry. So, I said *and this is an exact quote* "If you don't shut up, I'm going to kiss you!" I only said that because boys back then thought girls had "cookdies" *rolls eyes* He wasn't scared in the least, though.
Though, I had many flaws, short temper being one I already mentioned, I always kept my promises. *tee hee*
The Little Boy had a very large friend named Darell. Darell was so large that he couldn't fit through the tunnels on the play set on the playground. Darell followed the Little Boy simply EVERYWHERE, so Darell happened to be up there with the Little Boy *that's it! he's LT from now on!* There also happened to be a tunnel right beside the boys, one of two ways off the balcony which LT and Darrel were using to make fun of me from a safe distance *I was sort of known for my temper D:*.
Well, he kept making fun of me, Darell laughing at his side the whole time, and I slowly got so angry that I eventually sprang into action, seeking my revenge with a fererish urgency.
I was a very strong, fast little girl. I played a lot of sports and was very good at anything physical. So, I zipped up the rope ladder, the o other way off the balcony. At this point, the boys started flipping otu, trying to get away before I could get them. But Darell went through the tunnel first... and got stuck, or something along those lines. It was because of this, that I caught up to LT and... well, I kissed him. I don't remember it at all, but I know I stayed up that night worrying that it would be awkward the next day. It wasn't, but here's the twist; just as I had kissed LT, my grandmother burst out onto the playground in her usually cheesy, old fashioned clothes and gold chain *she sounds like a gangster...*
Thankfully, she didn't see me *she was three flippin yards away!!! O.o* and I didn't bring it up, knowing she'd report it to my dad and the boy might end up at the bottom of some lake the next morning.
The next year, LT left the school, thus ending my first ever crush.
2) Next, Blake;
After I left that school, the one where I had my first crush, I went to another school; a private, christian school with grades K-12. It was pretty cool at first, and I thought that I was living the high life at my fancy-shmansy school. I realize now how dumb that school was and how poor thier facitlities actually were. Not to mention how evil thier students were. (see Sunday, Feb. 18th)
I don't know at what point Blake began to notice me, or I him. Either way, we noticed each other. The only real instance either of us even REALLY showed interest, besides playing together on the play ground *you know those games where the girls always chase the boys? ^w^ That was my favorite game, and I was the champ* and sitting and talking with a group of friends *I look back on that and wonder why a BOY was there...* was in 4th grade. I shall relay the incident *dramatic*;
I was deeply captivated by the 4th Harry Potter book after just taking a spelling test, so when the teacher released us to go get our snack, I was totally oblivious. When I did notice people around me were moving, I asked what was going on. Some kind soul told me, and I hurried to go get my snack. I was going so fast I nearly crashed head on with Blake. "Sorry!" I said, and tried to go around him, "I gotta get my snack!" But he handed it to me, and then smiled, and walked back to his desk. I blinked, taken off guard, and then walked back to my own desk.
I made a big mistake after this; I went home and told my dad and sister about it. *sigh* They are STILL teasing me!
So what is Blake doing now? Well, he's basically turned into a white player; he skips from girl to girl and is basically a jerk (sounds familiar somehow...). The End.
3) Drew
Ah, Drew. I ABHOR him! He's such a dork! I don't know what I ever saw in him. I think I just needed a person to broadcast my need for a crush on; it was either him a shrimpy little crybaby. The choice was the tinseyest bit obvious. So that year, I was back at the school I had gone to kinder garden at *the one with LT*, and every time someone asked, "Who has a crush on Drew?" my name was the first that came up. *sigh/HATE*
4) Blond-Haired Blue-Eyed Brandon
This is probably the most serious, longest, sadest, and the most detailed crush I've ever had. It started around December '07 and I don't have any idea when it ended. Brandon had always been vaguely cute. Well, no. Not cute. More like, interesting to look at. And he had the most interesting voice. Almost like he was speaking through his nose, or had something stuck in his throat, but it was still pleasing to the ear somehow.
One thing you have to know for me to continue is this; at my old school, 6-8th grade mixed as one class. The lines that separated our classes were very thin. This was mostly because we were all in a trailer *we like to call it a "Suite"* and had the same three teachers. Not to mention that there were only four or more people per grade *this always seems to shock people, but it's pretty normal, really*
Anyway, at some point, seeing him everyday became something more precious. Somewhere along the way, it was the thing that got me out of bed in the morning, straightening my hair and generally trying harder at everything. That sounds so sad, but it's true. And I never said a thing so him or my friends for the longest time.
One day, the schedule had to be flipped around a bit because our math teacher wasn't there. So the 8th graders (me) and the 6th graders *Brandon* were in the same room at one time. This happened everyday, in the afternoon when they had social studies and we had English, so it wasn't exactly a big thing, but this time, we got to actually SEE each other. See, the two teachers shared a room and used to blankets on pipes hung from the ceiling to separate the room. I never payed a lot of attention in this class; I was always leaning back towards the curtain, waiting for Brandon to speak so I could hear his angelic voice *sad, isn't it?*. As a result, I know a little something about ancient history now *what I mean by a little something is random facts that don't help me in World Cultures this year*. Sometimes I got actually see him, like when we printed something *we had Mac laptops*. The printer was on the other side. I think I was always a little too eager to print something. Then there were the random times the other class would interrupt ours for no reason or we theirs. It was a bit complicated. O.o
But I'm way off the point. So, the schedule was messed up because the math and science teacher was gone *sick or something* and the 6th and 8th grades were in the same room, and the blankets were down. So, a couple of them were sitting at table and I was bored, so I went over to talk. Somehow, we got around to who likes who. I think I may have brought up how this one girl in the 7th grade totally loved a 6th graders, and she was NOT shy about it. Someone said the 6th grader liked her back and then he said that guy liked another girl and so on. We ended up listing every one's crushes.
You see, that entire time, even though I hadn't consiously known it, that's what I'd been planning; I wanted to know Brandon's crush. I knew I was setting myself up for disappointment, but I just couldn't resist the apple.
"So who does Brandon like?" I asked after we'd gone through everyone, and I turned towards him with the biggest smile I'm sure I'd ever smiled in my life; I bet it looked pretty creepy.
"Oh, I know this," said one boy, and the way he said it made me rip my eyes from Brandon's beautiful face and stare at him.
"Who?" I asked, then I caught myself; I was acting waaay to interested. I didn't want anyone to know I liked this boy. No one could EVER know I liked this boy. SO, I looked back at Brandon and smiled teasingly, "Aw! Brandon has a crush?! I bet it's Ginny! It's Ginny, isn't it?!" Brandon had this odd talent of being able to compose himself in normally awkward or embarrassing situations; this was one of them, and he was using it. He looked me straight in the eyes and said,"No, it's not Ginny."
"Aw! C'mon Evan, who is it?" I said turning back to the boy who knew the information I wanted so badly it almost hurt.
"You." And he cracked up laughing.
I didn't even look at Brandon. I blushed and stuttered, taken totally off guard. I didn't get the chance to totally compose myself, though.
"Aw! C-c'mon! I d-don't bu-uy that for a sec-cond!" I stuttered. The other boys at the table were laughing their heads off at this point and Brandon was.... blushing. Brandon was blushing. I think. You see, I don't remember everything that happened after the boy said "You" as well as I usually remember things, I acredit it to the shock.
'God! I have to get out of here!' I thought, and my survival instinct kicked in.
"Allie!" I yelled. She was in the other room, but I HAD to get away from them.
And the incident was over. Just like that. But I didn't trust the information; there was just no way.
But then, it didn't matter, because I flushed it all away at a sleepover.
"So, Joy; who do you have a crush on?"
*shrug* "No one."
"No! There's GOT to be someone!"
"Okay, maybe." mistake
'Who?! WHO?!"
"I'm not saying."
"Do they go to our school?"
"Possibly" mistake
"Is it Austin?"
"Ew! No!"
"Kyle? Evan? Brandon? Ethan?!"
*silence* mistake
"ETHAN?!"
"NO! He's a freak!"
"Who then?"
*cough cough*
"It's not Kyle, I know. And who in the world likes Evan? So it's gotta be..."
*chorus of girls* "BRANDON!!!"
*various girls*
"YOU like BRANDON!?"
"It fits, you gotta admit that!"
"But he's so ugly!"
"He's weird!"
"He's a know-it-all!"
*me*
"I DON'T LIKE BRANDON!!"
Too late.
It was out. And Brandon barely spoke to me the rest of the school year, and he avoided me. That's a hard thing to do in a school of 14 people, but he managed. Except for one time...
We had to take a picture of our whole class, and the graduating 8th graders were supposed to walk through a "tunnel" consisting of their classmates. I was the first to walk.
When I got to the end, he was there. I stood across from him, as directed by the teachers, but then it was someone else's turn to walk. At the same time, we leaned in to see if the person was coming. My guard was down; he's been ignoring me, I didn't expect anything real to develop from my crush, I didn't even expect him to like me back. In fact, I think it's humanly impossible for boys to like me. *humph*
But he was suddenly so close... I got this horrible need to reach over and just touch his shoulder or his face. To lean in even closer and just take him in.
I was so angry and embarrassed after that, I pulled back to my side immediately, feeling stupid and confused.
I haven't talked to Brandon since school ended, and I don't think he misses me at all. I expect as much...
Thursday, September 25, 2008
I didn't even know this thng existed anymore...
Wow... It has been awhile, huh? No one reads this, but who gives a shiz? I wrote that stuff like two years ago. Dang... That poem is still retarded. XD
Since I've been "away" *looks off in distance* for awhile, I'll give a short snyopsis of my life in the past few years;
1)What was I doing that brought me here?
So, how did I end up here? Hum, that's a good question. See, I was tired of my own flippin life and decided, "Hey! I'll go read about someone else's!" So i entered "blog" *exact quote* on the google search box and clicked on the first link. Three blogs, all by me, came up. I read through them, dying of embarasment (going to delete those), and finally got this one. Thank goodness. I can use this muther. ^w^
So, in the end, it was still all about my life... huh...
2)What's going on with karate?
Well, if you must know, I am a 2nd degree brown belt, who misses a bunch of classes in the summers and should be a black belt cand. *sigh* But I plan on becoming a black belt sometime next year, if I can get my life together. *slump*
3)What do you mean "get your life together"?
O.O Er... See, I'm at a new school... a college prep school... and it's A LOT harder, and my bio teacher is a freak >.> I'm currently failing my favorite subject and almsot failing my least favorite; biology. *shiver*
Because of this, I have lost my I-pod, my Wii, and my cell phone to my mother. *incert a smiley that is angry here* I HATE my life right now.
I'm sorry. I meant to say more, but I suddenly got tired.
No no, one more thing;
MY MOTHER IS EVIL! I have to meet with a teacher tomorrow (because of her) and she's making me walk! *I only live a mile away* But that mean I have to get up at like 6:15! *dies*
*pinches bridge of nose* I need a mental health day...
Since I've been "away" *looks off in distance* for awhile, I'll give a short snyopsis of my life in the past few years;
1)What was I doing that brought me here?
So, how did I end up here? Hum, that's a good question. See, I was tired of my own flippin life and decided, "Hey! I'll go read about someone else's!" So i entered "blog" *exact quote* on the google search box and clicked on the first link. Three blogs, all by me, came up. I read through them, dying of embarasment (going to delete those), and finally got this one. Thank goodness. I can use this muther. ^w^
So, in the end, it was still all about my life... huh...
2)What's going on with karate?
Well, if you must know, I am a 2nd degree brown belt, who misses a bunch of classes in the summers and should be a black belt cand. *sigh* But I plan on becoming a black belt sometime next year, if I can get my life together. *slump*
3)What do you mean "get your life together"?
O.O Er... See, I'm at a new school... a college prep school... and it's A LOT harder, and my bio teacher is a freak >.> I'm currently failing my favorite subject and almsot failing my least favorite; biology. *shiver*
Because of this, I have lost my I-pod, my Wii, and my cell phone to my mother. *incert a smiley that is angry here* I HATE my life right now.
I'm sorry. I meant to say more, but I suddenly got tired.
No no, one more thing;
MY MOTHER IS EVIL! I have to meet with a teacher tomorrow (because of her) and she's making me walk! *I only live a mile away* But that mean I have to get up at like 6:15! *dies*
*pinches bridge of nose* I need a mental health day...
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